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My dearest Zelda,

After looking the world over and learning the ins and outs of highrule I have decided it best if I leave the triforce in the 8 pieces and the respective monsters to defend them. I realize this will greatly hinder my attempts to rescue you from gannon. But let’s face the facts, Fairy gives me the attention I need as a man and you berate my manners constantly until you are once again in the hands of that vile pig gannon. We all know you secretly have a thing for bondage and I think you should persue this desire with someone who is more skilled at dungeon creation than I am.

I have collected all the items of power in the world and am currently running a lucrative racket in the gambling parlor in northeast highrule.

I hope you find the happiness you deserve in the hands of your captor and possibly lover.

Sincerely,
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