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I have these thoughts of things I want to do with Shelly…Some embarrasing…some she finds just completely disgusting and complains when the subject gets brought up….I want to lock myself away and not have to deal with this…I want to live in lubbock again but Brian Goldbard, my one shot at having a place to stay, is going out of town this weekend…Sometimes I think I should never have been in a relationship and then I could have avoided this situation and saved shelly 5 years of dissapointment and frustration at not understanding me….I like the flashing because I like showing off what I have to people and I like shelly’s body…..the other stuff I’m just a horrid freak who would have been killed 100 years ago for having thoughts like that….sigh I wish those days were here….

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